i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
