Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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