??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We are all done wearing pants today
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
