How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
