My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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