I've blown a few things in my day
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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