oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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