I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
