I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
