my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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