and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
