You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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