listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
