worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
