pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
