just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
