You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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