I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
