He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
