Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
