The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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