A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just had sex on a roof
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
