That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
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I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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