I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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