hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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