She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
