fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
