My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
