Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
