Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
