Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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