I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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