we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
