Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
