Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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