i think my tv is drunk
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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