dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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