Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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