so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
