Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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