Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
