I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
