Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
