So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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