Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
