I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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