i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
