please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
