life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
