i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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