i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
