just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
