every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
