I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
