No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
