Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
