hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
then he tried to convert me to islam
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
