brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
