Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
