i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
