I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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