At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
