it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You need Xanax blowdarts
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
