it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
