just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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