i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
